How did I get here?

It's been several months since I had anything I felt blogging about. Rather than rant, like I have in the past, I feel better just digging deep to share my heart.

I am flawed. Imperfect. Human. I am a work in progress. I am resigned to follow God's plan rather than mine. By doing so, I have seen tremendous progress. Progressing from a bad history. A failed marriage which included children torn and hurt. A bad history of guilt, misdirected anger and shame.

Oh, but things are so different now. I "know" that I am forgiven now. I feel as if I have had a good samaratan come and take my load off my shoulders. Interesting parallel isn't it?

We are told that Jesus forgives us of sin as believers. Not some of it. ALL of it. The evidence gone. Not even a carbon copy laying around in God's file cabinet somewhere. So rarely though, do most of us ever get to a place of forgiving ourselves and laying that burden down. All too often we "say" we are forgiven but don't fully believe it. We self-medicate to dull the pain of shame, anger and resentment. We make bad decisions through self-destructive behavior. Roots of bitterness begin to wrap around our hearts like weeds. Lots of bad decisions made over time. Until we find ourselves in a self-constructed hell on earth. We ask ourselves "How did I get here? I'm not who I once was.". Character is an ever evolving thing. It is defined well as what we do when other people aren't looking. The good news is that it can be redeemed. We can be redeemed.

There is but one way out. The same way we got in but in reverse. Wake up everyday resolved to make the right decision and to do the next right thing. One right decision at a time, in series, over time gets us back on track as we focus on our goals and dreams. Come into a relationship with Jesus Christ. Not the "I filled out the card when I was 12" Jesus. Not the "I go to church because my parents did" Jesus. Not the "turn or burn" Jesus. Come into a relationship with a Savior who accepts you just as you are. Broken, dirty, hurt, angry.

If you're in this place, turn an ear to the following:

You are more -Tenth Avenue North

I'm not who I was -Brandon Heath

Dear X -Disciple