The ultimate physician!

I have been a mechanical design engineer for twenty years. I have spent my career solving problems. Design devices that operate in 2000 degrees Fahrenheit? No problem. Design a way to dip an entire John Deere harvester into an electrically charged tank of green paint the size of a swimming pool? Piece of cake. Design valves that can open and close a hundred times per second? Done. I've honed my craft with a passion for all things mechanical. I try to think outside the box, bite off more than I can chew and just simply give it my best shot. But there are just some things I cannot fix.

I can't fix hearts. I can't heal emotional wounds. Heck, I have my own wounds to deal with. I am not a doctor. I did not spend the night at a Holiday Inn last night either. I slept in a chair in a hospital room. For two weeks now. Helpless to do anything for my wife Stacey but hold her hand, look her deep in the eyes and tell her I love her. All the while, she battles back from two surgeries and a particularly nasty infection. For a guy who fixes, invents and solves problems every day, this is really tough for me. I am helpless. I am humbled. I am not the ultimate physician. That job is left up to God.

When my daughter Allyson was three years old, she came down with a blood-born version of Meningitis called Meniningocoxemia. Left untreated, it is fast and it is fatal. The bacteria attacks the blood vessel walls and causes hemorrhaging. I hovered over her bed for a week while antibiotics were pumped into her little arms at a maximum rate in order to overtake this extremely fast growing bug. Boards strapped to her arms so she couldn't pull the IV's out. I felt so utterly helpless. I felt physical pain in my chest. When she was out of the woods, our pediatrician told us that if we had been six hours longer getting her to the hospital, she would not have recovered.

I have felt completely helpless for the past two weeks standing at Stacey's bedside unable to fix her. I pray. I pace the room. I look around the room and find products that I engineer systems to help to produce. Medical adhesives, packaging, disposable pads, etc. I see customer names all over the room. But I can do nothing but pray. Maybe that's exactly where God wants me. Maybe he wants me to know that he's the ultimate mechanic, engineer, physician, healer, problem-solver, comforter......the one true God. Maybe that although he gave me a talent....He has the trump card.

Stacey and I came into our relationship with baggage as all of us do. We all have issues. Particularly those of us having come from failed relationships in the past. We have felt an overwhelming outpouring of love from our church family at The Gathering here in Nashville. Never before have we, especially Stacey, felt the connection like we do now. We look at each other with a deeper love than ever before. I see God's hand at work not only in bringing Stacey back to physical health but also healing of the heart. The emotional walls we build to protect ourselves from being hurt again, prevent us from also feeling love in a way God intended. We compartmentalize. We shut out. We protect. We deny ourselves the wonder of God.

Don't let adversity be the vehicle that propels your relationship into healing. Look deep into her eyes, tell her you love her, do it repeatedly. Even if you don't feel it in return. Be transparent for her sake. Create an impeccable track record. Be patient. Trust will come. Transparency plus track record plus time equals trust.

If you are on the other end of the equation, look at the track record and transparency....then let God fix you. He wants to. You just have to let the ultimate physician make the house call.

How did I get here?

It's been several months since I had anything I felt blogging about. Rather than rant, like I have in the past, I feel better just digging deep to share my heart.

I am flawed. Imperfect. Human. I am a work in progress. I am resigned to follow God's plan rather than mine. By doing so, I have seen tremendous progress. Progressing from a bad history. A failed marriage which included children torn and hurt. A bad history of guilt, misdirected anger and shame.

Oh, but things are so different now. I "know" that I am forgiven now. I feel as if I have had a good samaratan come and take my load off my shoulders. Interesting parallel isn't it?

We are told that Jesus forgives us of sin as believers. Not some of it. ALL of it. The evidence gone. Not even a carbon copy laying around in God's file cabinet somewhere. So rarely though, do most of us ever get to a place of forgiving ourselves and laying that burden down. All too often we "say" we are forgiven but don't fully believe it. We self-medicate to dull the pain of shame, anger and resentment. We make bad decisions through self-destructive behavior. Roots of bitterness begin to wrap around our hearts like weeds. Lots of bad decisions made over time. Until we find ourselves in a self-constructed hell on earth. We ask ourselves "How did I get here? I'm not who I once was.". Character is an ever evolving thing. It is defined well as what we do when other people aren't looking. The good news is that it can be redeemed. We can be redeemed.

There is but one way out. The same way we got in but in reverse. Wake up everyday resolved to make the right decision and to do the next right thing. One right decision at a time, in series, over time gets us back on track as we focus on our goals and dreams. Come into a relationship with Jesus Christ. Not the "I filled out the card when I was 12" Jesus. Not the "I go to church because my parents did" Jesus. Not the "turn or burn" Jesus. Come into a relationship with a Savior who accepts you just as you are. Broken, dirty, hurt, angry.

If you're in this place, turn an ear to the following:

You are more -Tenth Avenue North

I'm not who I was -Brandon Heath

Dear X -Disciple