The best way to NOT get what you want out of your marriage.

Out of the ashes of a 15yr failed first marriage and now seven wonderful years of marriage to my best friend, Stacey, I have learned at least one truth. One of the fastest ways to NOT get what you want in a marriage is to get what you want. By that I mean, just focus on your own wants and watch your marriage ignite into an inferno of mis-communication. The chauvinistic element of the church stops at Ephesians 5:24 and conveniently goes no further. However, husbands, I speak to you by saying you need to focus on Ephesians 5:25 and follow it through to the end of the chapter. To go no further than verse 24 is the very cause that has turned our world upside-down and taken us from one extreme to the other in this last century. This is true for many doctrinal subjects where the authors of such doctrine have not been objective and have, through creative and incomplete interpretation, built their own case from scripture. Accepting the authorship of scripture by God Himself as the creator and we as the subjective creation is a tough pill to swallow. Thus making the temptation to manipulate scripture or place more emphasis in one place than the other very strong. As Pastor Dave said, "There are several things in the Bible I do not like but I didn't write the book". Accept the fact that you didn't write it nor do any of us have the right to choose what is or isn't true in the scripture. This is where introspection gets painful. Husbands, if you are experiencing difficulty in your marriage, I challenge you to do one thing for 30 days. Devote yourself to this cause. Put your wife ahead of all other agendas and be a gracious servant. Everyday, bolstered by prayer. I don't care if you even like it. Suck it up. Put your big boy pants on and do things for your wife even without asking. Don't make excuses. Don't shift any blame. Now is not the time for that. When your house is on fire, is it time to point fingers at who lit the match? Or is it time to jump in with the buckets? Love her by telling her and showing her that you do. After 30 days of putting your best foot forward, come back and tell me what's different with your relationship. I'd venture to bet you'll get my point. Oh, and wives....let your husband be the man he is supposed to be. I'd venture to bet you'll get my point as well.

Doodling in the dirt

John 8:1-11 tells the story about a woman brought before Jesus by the Pharisee's in order to entrap him between Roman civil law and the Mosaic law. Here is the text for your convenience:

1 Jesus went unto the mount of Olives.2 And early in the morning he came again into the temple, and all the people came unto him; and he sat down, and taught them.3 And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst,4 They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.5 Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?6 This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not.7 So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.8 And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground.9 And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst.10 When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?11 She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.

There are a few questions to ask oneself here. Where is Jesus at the moment? Who is he with? What is he doing? What do they call Jesus? Where's the "dude"? What is the extent of Roman law of the day versus the Mosaic Law? Was Jesus being indignant to them? What sin? What was he doodling in the dirt (speculation only)? Why did they leave? Who was left? What was she told to do? Here's my brief take on the whole deal. "All" the people here are those following and had interest in what Jesus had to say. He was busy teaching in the temple when rudely interrupted by these "ruling class lawyers" of the day. They plop the woman down among all the people gathered round about Jesus. I'm sure she was terrified and embarrassed. She is also surely not in the women's courtyard of the temple so she's the only woman surrounded by men. She surely wasn't treated very well at all on the way from wherever she had been taken from to the temple. Her clothes probably weren't intact and she was likely scrapped and beat up. Now, the last time I checked, it takes two to tango. Mosaic Law condemns ANYONE committing adultery. Man and woman. Where's the "dude"? One can only speculate here but it begs one to wonder why. Maybe it was a Pharisee himself unhappy with the outcome of this little escapade. We don't know. The absence of the partner in crime may very well explain the scenario better than if he were there. You can see the chauvinistic overtone of these accusers. The Pharisees addressed Jesus with the title "Master". This meaning "teacher" or Rabbi but not with any sense of respect at all. We also see that, continuing in the line of arrogance, they pose the question before addressing Jesus by title. I can just imagine the interruption being simultaneous with throwing this woman down. There certainly wouldn't be any missing the incident. Jesus, being always indignant to those who are self-serving, acts as if he didn't hear anything, bends down and doodles in the dirt. In that day, as is tradition even now, a judge would write his sentence down before declaring it vocally. I wonder. Now, let's make absolutely clear that speculation can lead into doctrinal paths that are way off in left field. With that in mind, I carefully contemplate what Jesus may have been writing. Was it "Hey everybody, watch this!"? During the Roman occupation, the Jews were given quite a bit of freedom. They were free to worship, self-rule and basically come and go as they please. One big caveat was capital punishment. The Romans did not allow capital punishment outside of the Roman court. This is why Jesus' death sentence was declared by the Roman prefect (magistrate) Pontius Pilate and not the "Roman-appointed" high priest, Caiaphas. (There is another long story here concerning the difference between lineage high priesthood and the "Roman-appointed" false-priesthood). So, verse 5 pits Jesus between agreeing with the Law of Moses, circumventing Roman law and conflicting his own teachings to his students or defying Jewish law and getting in hot water with the Sanhedrin (71 member "supreme court" of Jewish law). It seemed like a no-win situation. Jesus answered the question in historical fashion. Sure, go ahead. Stone her. But, as is the custom, whomever is without [this] sin, cast the first stone [you being the transgressed, she being the transgressor]. The Old Testament practice was that if you accused someone for a capital offense against you, you had to be prepared to throw the first stone as proper vindication. This is strong reference to the possibility of "this sin". So, again speculating, maybe Jesus began doodling the names of their mistresses one by one. If not [this] sin, maybe He was writing down the sins they had just committed earlier in the day! Nevertheless, we see them all leave, one-by-one until there is just the woman and Jesus. This is very important because the only one left was the only one without sin and the only one whom could have condemned the woman according to the Law of Moses because Jesus, being the second member of the Trinity, is the one whom was sinned against in the act of adultery. Yet, Jesus chose to not condemn her and told her to go and sin no more. Is it possible to not sin? Of course not. We are not perfect nor will we be. However, the inference is that He told her to change her way, turn and do life a new way with respect and honor to the pardon given. She was forgiven without paying a penance by God whom had every right to condemn her and was justly qualified to do so. She had not earned it in any way. She simply acknowledge the fact that there were no accusers. A precursor to the completion of His task as our savior. If you enjoy R.C. Sproul as much as I do, listen to his commentary on this very subject: http://www.ligonier.org/learn/sermons/woman-caught-adultery/

Have you ever just wanted to pummel somebody relentlessly?

I figured the title would get your attention. Yesterday, as I surfed around on the internet, read Pastor Dave's raves, listened/watched archived video and such, I found the inevitable. You know. The "review"? The one where a Pharisaical, street corner-screaming, beat you with a ninety pound Scofield reference bible, no-theological training, so-narrow-minded-I-can-see-through-a-keyhole-with-both-eyes-open guy who watches one video, takes it out of context and vomits all over it because it didn't have enough "thee's" and "thou's" in it. I felt like I was going to have a stroke. My generally happy-go-lucky demeanor went right out the proverbial window! My Roy D. Mercer smart___ alter ego wanted to come out, crawl through the internet connection, jump through this guys keyboard and go all old testament on his sorry excuse for a Christian.....then it happened. I heard Dave's voice in my head almost as if I had played it back on an iPod......."God works through a broken, humble spirit". Talk about taking the wind out of your sail. He is dead-on right. What good would it have done for me to fire back? What would it prove other than me being as venomous as he was? I took a deep breath and just shook my head. If only this guy really knew...if only he knew.

The ultimate physician!

I have been a mechanical design engineer for twenty years. I have spent my career solving problems. Design devices that operate in 2000 degrees Fahrenheit? No problem. Design a way to dip an entire John Deere harvester into an electrically charged tank of green paint the size of a swimming pool? Piece of cake. Design valves that can open and close a hundred times per second? Done. I've honed my craft with a passion for all things mechanical. I try to think outside the box, bite off more than I can chew and just simply give it my best shot. But there are just some things I cannot fix.

I can't fix hearts. I can't heal emotional wounds. Heck, I have my own wounds to deal with. I am not a doctor. I did not spend the night at a Holiday Inn last night either. I slept in a chair in a hospital room. For two weeks now. Helpless to do anything for my wife Stacey but hold her hand, look her deep in the eyes and tell her I love her. All the while, she battles back from two surgeries and a particularly nasty infection. For a guy who fixes, invents and solves problems every day, this is really tough for me. I am helpless. I am humbled. I am not the ultimate physician. That job is left up to God.

When my daughter Allyson was three years old, she came down with a blood-born version of Meningitis called Meniningocoxemia. Left untreated, it is fast and it is fatal. The bacteria attacks the blood vessel walls and causes hemorrhaging. I hovered over her bed for a week while antibiotics were pumped into her little arms at a maximum rate in order to overtake this extremely fast growing bug. Boards strapped to her arms so she couldn't pull the IV's out. I felt so utterly helpless. I felt physical pain in my chest. When she was out of the woods, our pediatrician told us that if we had been six hours longer getting her to the hospital, she would not have recovered.

I have felt completely helpless for the past two weeks standing at Stacey's bedside unable to fix her. I pray. I pace the room. I look around the room and find products that I engineer systems to help to produce. Medical adhesives, packaging, disposable pads, etc. I see customer names all over the room. But I can do nothing but pray. Maybe that's exactly where God wants me. Maybe he wants me to know that he's the ultimate mechanic, engineer, physician, healer, problem-solver, comforter......the one true God. Maybe that although he gave me a talent....He has the trump card.

Stacey and I came into our relationship with baggage as all of us do. We all have issues. Particularly those of us having come from failed relationships in the past. We have felt an overwhelming outpouring of love from our church family at The Gathering here in Nashville. Never before have we, especially Stacey, felt the connection like we do now. We look at each other with a deeper love than ever before. I see God's hand at work not only in bringing Stacey back to physical health but also healing of the heart. The emotional walls we build to protect ourselves from being hurt again, prevent us from also feeling love in a way God intended. We compartmentalize. We shut out. We protect. We deny ourselves the wonder of God.

Don't let adversity be the vehicle that propels your relationship into healing. Look deep into her eyes, tell her you love her, do it repeatedly. Even if you don't feel it in return. Be transparent for her sake. Create an impeccable track record. Be patient. Trust will come. Transparency plus track record plus time equals trust.

If you are on the other end of the equation, look at the track record and transparency....then let God fix you. He wants to. You just have to let the ultimate physician make the house call.

How did I get here?

It's been several months since I had anything I felt blogging about. Rather than rant, like I have in the past, I feel better just digging deep to share my heart.

I am flawed. Imperfect. Human. I am a work in progress. I am resigned to follow God's plan rather than mine. By doing so, I have seen tremendous progress. Progressing from a bad history. A failed marriage which included children torn and hurt. A bad history of guilt, misdirected anger and shame.

Oh, but things are so different now. I "know" that I am forgiven now. I feel as if I have had a good samaratan come and take my load off my shoulders. Interesting parallel isn't it?

We are told that Jesus forgives us of sin as believers. Not some of it. ALL of it. The evidence gone. Not even a carbon copy laying around in God's file cabinet somewhere. So rarely though, do most of us ever get to a place of forgiving ourselves and laying that burden down. All too often we "say" we are forgiven but don't fully believe it. We self-medicate to dull the pain of shame, anger and resentment. We make bad decisions through self-destructive behavior. Roots of bitterness begin to wrap around our hearts like weeds. Lots of bad decisions made over time. Until we find ourselves in a self-constructed hell on earth. We ask ourselves "How did I get here? I'm not who I once was.". Character is an ever evolving thing. It is defined well as what we do when other people aren't looking. The good news is that it can be redeemed. We can be redeemed.

There is but one way out. The same way we got in but in reverse. Wake up everyday resolved to make the right decision and to do the next right thing. One right decision at a time, in series, over time gets us back on track as we focus on our goals and dreams. Come into a relationship with Jesus Christ. Not the "I filled out the card when I was 12" Jesus. Not the "I go to church because my parents did" Jesus. Not the "turn or burn" Jesus. Come into a relationship with a Savior who accepts you just as you are. Broken, dirty, hurt, angry.

If you're in this place, turn an ear to the following:

You are more -Tenth Avenue North

I'm not who I was -Brandon Heath

Dear X -Disciple

To drive or not to drive a Prius.

I am a Nitromethane junkie. I love drag racing, horsepower, burning rubber, thunderous exhaust pipes and fire. I prefer sports cars and trucks over the diminutive hybrid. With that said, I confess that my ego has no defense against the truth of math. Here's the "rest" of the story.

My wife and I went car shopping last night. I despise car shopping. No, I LOATHE it entirely! I'd rather jam a screwdriver up my nose than to endure the sales pitch of a car dealer. My love for my wife superseded my opinion so I went along for the ride. We had already narrowed our search down to a hatchback with good fuel economy. I prefer Toyota's or Honda's. I've had good experience with them. So, the list narrowed quickly down to the Toyota Matrix or Toyota Prius. I immediately ruled out the Prius. I can't be seen driving one of those things. The automotive designers in Japan did marvelous things with the technology and fuel economy but they failed to add any Testosterone to the design at all. Even the paint schemes are lacking. Powder blue, Lunar Mist, Gold, Beige? Really? Come on, throw me a bone here. I'm barely able to sit in a mini-van much less a powder blue Prius. I "need" my 1964 Chevy with the Buick 455 that makes 400hp and 510ft/lbs of torque breathing through 3" exhaust and shredding tires for a city block.

After our test drive of a Matrix, my wife saw a Prius. "May Day, May Day...We're going down...We're going down!!!". I tried to tactfully express to her the fact that there was no way in Hades that she was getting me in THAT car! The salesman found my banter quite entertaining. I was like a cat getting pushed into a bucket of water..... Well, after a couple of miles into the test drive, my darling wife looks at me with a smile and says "You need to drive it honey". My expression was that of Archie Bunker looking at Edith with arms crossed. The voice of ventriloquist Jeff Dunham's dummy "Walter" was ringing through my head. I remembered the dearest love I have for this woman and acquiesced. I became a kid in a candy store. Push button ignition, joystick shifter, touch screen with fuel consumption data, regenerative braking, touch screen audio, touch screen climate control. It accelerated as fast as the Matrix, road smoother than the Matrix and has as much room as the Matrix. It, I must admit, performed everything as well or better. All while getting 20+MPG better. The engine turning itself on and off is strange though. So is the constant velocity gearing. However, the technology packed into this thing is really cool! Being the gizmo geek that I am, it grew on me quickly. Just as long as I stay inside the car and not pay attention to the other people on the road looking at me, I think I'll be OK.

The math was staggering. I put a lot of miles on a vehicle. Between my daily commute and weekends back home, I log anywhere from 2,500 to 2,800 miles per month. At today's gas rates of $3.50 per gallon, I will save around $175 per month in gas cost over the Matrix. If, as some experts say, gas hits $5 this summer, the savings will be over $275 per month. Hmmmmm....my ego has no defense for this. If all of America were to gravitate towards a car that gets 45mpg, then the 200 million passenger cars on the road would pocket a gas savings of $180BILLION per year!

I am a political, religious and social conservative. However, I veer away from my constituency in my environmental conservationism. I'm not going to go out to UC Berkley and hug trees, start wearing Birkenstock sandals or protest the use of deodorant. However, I do believe, as I interpret bible scripture, that we should be good stewards with the blessings God gives us. Having dominion over the earth does not mean we have the right to environmentally rape it. A soccer mom in a Chevy Suburban driving to school to drop off their one child and then driving to a PTA meeting is a poor example of good environmental stewardship. The purpose of a Suburban is to transport a bunch of stuff and a handful of people. Not a 6yr old with a lunch box. If we want the government not to mandate regulations forcing us into this, we had better all take a better look at how wasteful we are and do something about it out of good principle. Oil is not like solar energy, its not going to be around forever despite what conspiracy theorists believe. The free market of this country will gravitate naturally towards the demand. If we buy more fuel efficient vehicles, car-makers will cease production of gas-guzzlers. If we plug our cars into the grid at night, the electrical companies will expand the grid due to demand. Clean nuclear power will be back on the table for discussion instead of coal, oil, gas or hydroelectric if demand increases. This would not require an act of Congress or the state of California to demand it. The only reason the rail system in the United States is a century behind Europe is that we turned a blind eye and demand our [invisible] independence. If more people demanded it, I could be taking a train between work and home instead of sitting on I-65 during rush hour.

So, do you want to just save that money or would you rather the government institute a "consumption tax" that takes it out of your pocket and into the abyss of the system in the name of saving the environment? For example; owning a V8 engine in Germany will cost you over $1,500 per year just in consumption tax over and above the other annual taxes you pay. Want to reverset the trend toward socialism? Take the steps ourselves and eliminate the [middle-man] government. We don't need a talking head like Michael Moore to flame our system. We just need to use it correctly. Let's all reduce/reuse/recycle, drive more efficient cars and be better stewards of what God has given us. Even if we have to modify our ego, swallow it down and take deep breath first.

What does the next verse say?

Anyone who was raised in church or has said a salvation prayer knows some verses of scripture. John 3:16 is very familiar - "For God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life". We can then fast-forward into the daily events of life and look at the position of the Church that the world perceives. The world sees the church as a condemning, morally superior institution. We have, unfortunately, gotten that stereotype legitimately because of our general actions of being against so many things but not known for what we are for. Let's go on to the next verse. John 3:17 "For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved". Whoa! Stop the horse! So Christ didn't come to condemn the world?? It says it right there in scripture. In order to take a shower to get clean, do you have to rinse off with a hose before stepping in the shower or do you just get in? If someone is broken, hurt, in pain, in need...and comes into the church and sits down to listen, how often do they feel eyes looking at them with contempt? What is the purpose of the church? To condemn, isolate, to be pious, morally superior, higher than thou? You better not say yes because the fact is Christians don't perform any better at moral/ethical behavior than non-Christians. It's a sad fact. Why? Because we don't look to see what the next verse says. We get spoon-fed a little on Sunday and go about our merry way. We don't eat a full meal, digest it and learn from it. We spray a little Christianity on ourselves like deodorant..expecting it to last till next Sunday.

Instead of standing on a soapbox screaming our lungs out over what we are against, why not spend our time being examples of healthy marriage, being in our kids lives, teaching, loving, helping those in need? Through that comes opportunity to witness the Gospel. No one is going to listen to the fire and brimstone preaching of someone waving a Bible on a street corner. Let's let the broken, dirty, beaten and bruised come in. Show them a better way rather than preaching to them how bad and terrible they are. Maybe, just maybe...they too will find a better way as a result.